Even Abraham Lincoln is in debt
Plus Joe Biden's health, Sesame Street saved, and an underwater sculpture park
Welcome back to Hot Tip, babes of the internet! I write to you from my couch, where I am currently icing my arm (and my ego) after tripping over absolutely nothing and slo-mo wiping tf out on my morning walk, in view of several people. But at least my day isn’t going as badly as Marco Rubio’s, who spent it getting thoroughly roasted by some of his former Senate colleagues on CSPAN-3, which means about as many people saw him on TV as saw me fall down for no apparent reason.
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In politics: Former President Joe Biden announced on Sunday that he’s been diagnosed with “aggressive” stage 4 prostate cancer and is exploring treatment options with his family, so hopefully now he will be left to heal in peace and the media will respect his dignity, privacy, and decades of public service—
Meanwhile, the Senate voted unanimously to pass a “no tax on tips” bill, which will now head to the House, and it’s the first time they’ve all agreed on anything since Ted Cruz won the Congressional superlative for “Hardest To Look At.” In a hearing, Sen. Maggie Hassan asked DHS Secretary/chief deporter Kristi Noem to define habeas corpus, which she couldn’t correctly do, but it’s not Kristi’s fault, guys! She missed middle school that day because she had to stay home and kill an animal. (Hot tip: Habeas corpus means anyone can challenge the legality of their detention. Basically, a guarantee you’ll get your day in court. Kristi gets it backwards, here.)
Times are so tough that even Abraham Lincoln is in debt—or his foundation is, anyway. As a remedy, the Lincoln Presidential Foundation will be selling pieces of presidential memorabilia starting tomorrow, including “Lincoln Family Locks of Hair,” which are estimated to go for around $25k, or to one creep, “whatever it takes.”
Former Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms is running for governor (!!!) of my home state of Georgia, and a victory would make her the country’s first Black female governor. And following the lead of Pete Buttigieg, Senator Bernie Sanders also went on Andrew Schulz’ ”Flagrant” podcast, so we all know what needs to come next—
In other science: The so-called MAHA Institute launched this week; it’s a “Make America Healthy Again-affiliated think tank” that dares to ask the question, what if we were actually just a tank? A new underwater sculpture park slash snorkeling trail (yes, you read that right) is opening up off South Beach in Miami, and organizers say the art pieces will 1) give fish shelter 2) help coral thrive and 3) even prevent beachfront erosion. And sources of hydrogen beneath the earth’s surface have the potential capacity to provide hundreds of thousands of years of clean energy, according to new research out of Oxford University. But the recipe has to be exactly right, like “cooking a soufflé,” says the lead author of the study—well in that case, I know exactly who we need on the team.
"We have a term 'groceries.' It's an old term, but it means basically what you're buying, food, it's a pretty accurate term, but it's an old fashioned sound, but groceries are down." — Donald Trump explaining the concept of food you can eat at home to the President of the UAE.
In travel: Scandinavian Airlines has restarted a direct route between Seattle and Copenhagen after a 16 year absence, perfect timing for—what I always hope will be—a Euro summer. And Airbnb was ordered to remove 66k listings in Spain in order to help address a growing housing crisis within the country, evidence that 1) protests work and 2) the only kind of guns we need in this world are water guns.
In culture: The gals are alright, and then some: Hannah Berner is going on tour, Chase Sui Wonders is the face of a new James Dean-inspired Levi’s x Sacai campaign, and Elle Fanning is taking over the role of young Effie Trinket in the upcoming Hunger Games prequel. Netflix has rescued “Sesame Street” after its deal expired with HBO, and no one is happier than Big Bird, who was about to have to move back in with his MAGA parents. And we lost George Wendt today, so pour one out for Norm tonight, and I’ll leave you with this clip of one of the best to ever do it.
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i’m weeping and cackling simultaneously at that trump quote. I doubt anyone in that conversation has ever been to a grocery store. it’s just too much 🥲
I am in a not very good mood this morning, but your Kristi Noem joke tickled my funny bone. Thanks for that gift 🙃