Extremely bad and incredibly shitty
But also, tiramisu cheesecake
Welcome back to Hot Tip, you cutie patooties. Every single day is some new, fresh hell, and I hope you’re taking care of yourselves (I’m finding gardening, drinking tea, and dissociating to Gabby Windey’s podcast helpful) as Trump tries to argue that he’s not bound by the rule of law set forth in the United States Constitution whilst continuing to sell a bible/Constitution hybrid for the low low price of $59.99.
Hot Tip is currently discounted for monthly and annual subscriptions! If you are learning and/or laughing, consider becoming a ~paid subscriber~ for much less than the cost of a Trump bibletution. I promise you’ll get more out of it.
In supervillain behavior: Over the weekend, the Trump Administration invoked the Alien Enemies Act of 1798 (last used for Japanese internment during WWII, so what could go wrong here) to deport hundreds of migrants accused of being members of a Venezuelan gang — without any evidence — to El Salvador. A federal judge quickly issued a verbal order that the planes that had already left were to return, but that didn’t happen, and the president of El Salvador — who calls himself the “world’s coolest dictator“ — tweeted “oopsie, too late.” But the thing is, it wasn’t. Two of the planes were in the air when Judge James E. Boasberg issued the order (the other hadn’t even left yet) and the White House is basically saying it didn’t count.
I never thought the death of American checks and balances would be at the hands of a guy who has been this close to Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, but alas. Here we are.
Also, a few things.
First thing: Who told Trump about the Alien Enemies Act of 1798? Because I know that man has never cracked a book. Second thing: Calling yourself “world’s coolest dictator” is the equivalent of “tastiest shit sandwich.” You’re still a shit sandwich, sir. Third thing: Shouldn’t laws have an expiration date? Like perhaps once the main method of transportation is not horse and buggy and the life expectancy exceeds 42, we revisit it? Because “well, that’s how my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpa used to do it” is a slippery fuckin slope!!!
Also very evil and bad: Trump Admin Nixed Contract Helping Kidnapped Ukrainian Children. Texas authorities arrest midwife for allegedly providing abortions. U.S. citizen child recovering from brain cancer removed to Mexico with undocumented parents. Is America great again yet?!?!?!
In politics: Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts issued a statement rebuking Trump’s call to impeach the judge who derailed his deportation plans, upgrading Roberts from solidly vanilla to okay wait, is that a single piece of cookie dough? We’ll keep an eye on it.
Donald Trump played in a golf tournament at his golf club last weekend and claimed to have won, a very important thing he had to tell the public during a weather disaster in which dozens of people died across the Midwest and South. He may say his handicap is a three (also a lie), but really it’s sociopathy.
The federal government has to reinstate 25k fired workers because a judge found their terminations were likely illegal, which sounds like a lot of really stupid inefficiency created by the Department of Government Efficiency. Another judge found that Elon and his dumbass minions violated the Constitution in shuttering USAID and ordered its operations be partially restored. Alright, where’s my 2025 hot federal judges calendar?
Environmental Protection Agency administrator Lee Zeldin has apparently altered the purpose of the agency, which he now says is meant to “lower the cost of buying a car, heating a home, and running a business.” And to that, we here at Hot Tip would just like to remind Zeldin to look at the agency’s fucking name. Or its website.
AOC is joining Bernie on the western leg of his “fighting oligarchy” tour, the second most exciting double-header I’ve heard about recently. The first is Costco’s new Kirkland Signature Tiramisu Cheesecake.
And a French politician wants the Statue of Liberty — a gift to the US from France in 1885 — back, because he believes we don’t deserve it anymore (and he’s right.) I went to Lady Liberty herself for comment, but she had been detained by ICE.
In business: Your Amazon Echo will soon be recording and uploading your requests to Amazon’s cloud, whether you want it to or not — further evidence that perhaps we should have just stuck with pushing the buttons ourselves.Taco Bell’s parent company is teaming up with Nvidia to speed up its AI/the general demise of humanity, and Tesla stock is down more than 50 percent from its high in December in what analysts are calling “lol” and “hell yeah.” + Vive la class warfare! Air France’s new first-class cabin features private spaces roughly the size of some Manhattan apartments (though if they’d like me to review it, I’d happily oblige!!!)
In culture: Suzanne Collins’ latest Hunger Games prequel is out today. The astronauts who were stuck in space for nine months are finally back on earth. My best friend (Hi Carrie!!!) is opening a new show on Broadway this week called Buena Vista Social Club and you can get tickets here! Tituss Burgess is taking over the role of Abe Lincoln’s wife in Oh! Mary. Parisian export Printemps is about to be the hottest place to get both a pain au chocolat and a designer bag in New York. And this week’s best performance on White Lotus was completely wordless:
In women’s history month: Join the TOGETHXR Women’s NCAA Bracket Challenge and you could win $5,000 + more. You can look at my bracket here, informed by nothing other than ~vibes~. Melinda French Gates is talking her new book and spending her money on “expanding women’s power and influence” in Elle, further evidence that only women should be billionaires. Hot tip I learned on Instagram: You can create the illusion of wallpaper using a tampon. And HAIM is finally back with “Relationships,” which means it’s officially walking girl spring.
Want to support Hot Tip but aren’t ready for a subscription? There’s a button for that, too.
Thank you, you gifted girl!! Another wonderful story told of bad situations. Thank goodness for the candied Easter eggs you include. Especially the tiramisu.
And what about the student loan situation? Any tips there because 😭😢😢 great article love the part about John Roberts and cookie dough 🤣