Finally, an interesting group text
Or, why you should never mute your friends, just in case they are deciding to bomb Yemen
Welcome back to Hot Tip, babes! I learned this weekend that “swearing is linked with increased pain tolerance and strength,” which, if you’re a regular here, you know is fucking great news for moi. I also highly recommend swearing as a coping mechanism for the 56,000 Greenlanders who are not loving the fact that Trump is sending an uninvited delegation there this week. I’d be screaming Greenlandic expletives, too, if a bunch of Americans showed up to “attend a dog sled race” while the US energy secretary and a national security adviser in all likelihood pull a Renata Klein on their icy front lawns and no one stops them because laws, rules, and sovereignty apparently don’t matter anymore! *Ed note: Does that mean I can simply start squatting in the 3 million dollar homes I’ve been eyeing on Zillow?
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In group texts that should have been a meeting, and the best thing you’ll read all week: High-ranking members of the Trump Administration accidentally added Atlantic editor-in-chief Jeffrey Goldberg to a war plan group message on Signal before striking Yemen this month, perhaps the karmic result of Republicans “but her emails”-ing too close to the sun, or maybe just being dumb as fuck. Per Goldberg, the messages even included “information about targets, weapons the U.S. would be deploying, and attack sequencing” and also “prayer emojis,” because we live in hell. It’s sort of like when you add the wrong Jamie to the group chat, but you don’t notice, and then you talk shit about that Jamie, and then you also drop bombs on Yemen. Overall, not a great look. 🤡🤡🤡.
Signal is an open-source (not approved for classified info) encrypted messaging service that is often used by journalists to communicate with sources more privately than in texts, and could even reasonably be used to gather White House staff lunch orders. But to Fox & Friends Weekend’s Pete Hegseth, et. al: a good rule of thumb is probably if you’d use the words “chicken caesar wrap” on there, don’t use it to discuss high-security military operations.
Btw, the people in this signal group have access to secure communication platforms, they just — for an unclear reason — didn’t use them. As a result, fighter pilots and active intelligence officers were put at risk in the dumbest D.C. scandal since tan-suit-gate, except with actual repercussions.
When asked about the group message conundrum today, Trump expressed outrage and concern, vowing to hold people accountable—JUST KIDDING he said he “[didn’t] know” about it and is “not a big fan of The Atlantic.” But hey, maybe he will subscribe now to get his classified intel briefings.
In politics: Trump says he didn’t sign the recent proclamation invoking the Alien Enemies Act of 1798, and that his team —including Secretary of State Marco Rubio — “handled it,” for him, even though the document has his signature on it. The White House responded that Trump “was obviously referring to the original Alien Enemies Act that was signed back in 1798,” a helpful clarification that no time machine was used in the signing of any documents this week. I do love that it’s equally possible he’s lying, or he truly doesn’t remember signing it. Maybe he’s born with it, maybe it’s dementia.
Bernie and AOC filled a Tempe, Arizona arena that Trump couldn’t during his presidential run, and the next night, the progressive pair had 30,000 more people join them in Denver, Colorado as part of Bernie’s ongoing “Fight Oligarchy” tour. Meanwhile, Chuck Schumer’s glasses were seen even lower on his nose, which means at least six more weeks of him refusing to step down in order to allow actual leaders to take his place.
In business: If you ever used 23andMe, now may be the time to delete your account. The company declared bankruptcy and will be selling its highly sensitive data (your spit) to the highest bidder, which, let’s be real, will probably be Elon Musk. Doordash has teamed up with Klarna to give you the option to go into debt over your penchant for breakfast burritos. And affordable, vegan skincare company The Ordinary pulled a surprising/weird marketing stunt over the weekend, selling reasonably priced (and completely real, non-vegan) eggs at their NYC stores. A helpful solution for the people considering takeout payment plans.
In culture: Sarah Silverman, Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, and David Letterman were among the many comedians lauding Conan O’Brien this weekend as he received the Kennedy Center’s Mark Twain Prize for American Humor—next year to be known as the Red Bull Comedy Is Legal Again Big Pretty Trophy For Dank Memes.
Andor has a new trailer and will be back next month, welcome news to the Stellan Skarsgårdians and general dorks alike (me, and also me.) And Elon Musk’s (happily estranged) daughter Vivian Jenna Wilson is looking gorgeous on the cover of Teen Vogue. And she’s not thinking about Elon as much as we are. Not at all, really: “The only thing that gets to live free in my mind is drag queens.”
In sports: Olympian Gretchen Walsh became the first woman to swim under 47 seconds in the 100 yard fly and helped lead Virginia to another NCAA championship. Two UCLA gymnasts, Brooklyn Moors and (another Olympian!) Jordan Chiles both scored perfect 10s on their floor routines at the Big Ten Championships. Hot tip: Watch Jordan’s parents watch her. And after a series of injuries six years ago (another another Olympian!) skier Lindsey Vonn became the oldest woman (at 40) to earn a medal in a World Cup race.
And I meal prepped yesterday. We are all the same.
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Andor is so close....I need it.