In space no one can hear us scream
But at least it's almost time for fall foliage and Nora Ephron movies
It is now September, which on the one hand means we’re nearing the best time of the year: cinnamon everything, Nora Ephron movies, group texts about going apple picking (plans that may or may not actually materialize), fall foliage, and crisp morning walks in sweaters that make you feel like flirting with the barista because unlike during the summer, you’re not gross. On the other, it also means we’re approaching our end-of-year existential crises—why am I older than I was last year and wasn’t it just January and did I do a single resolution and where the fuck was I when Andrew Garfield was doing a photoshoot in front of my cleaners?—or…something.
So in lieu of useless panicking, several hot tips to all us perfectionists out there: time is a construct, Lindsay Lohan has never looked better, you’ve done more this year than you are giving yourself credit for, and if you must, save that shit for a cold day in December. But I don’t think you need it. I do think you need this recipe for Maple Chai Blondies from Broma Bakery, though.
This morning, Epstein victims spoke out on Capitol Hill with their lawyers and congresspeople and made their message clear: release the files. They also shared their plans to compile their own list of his clients.
A federal judge ruled that Trump’s use of the National Guard in LA was “willfully” illegal, while an appeals court says Trump can’t use the 18th century Alien Enemies Act to deport Venezuelan immigrants. Hot tip: the latter decision was written by a 75-year-old racist guy (named Leslie H. Southwick, which does feel relevant here), appointed by George W. Bush.
More than 1,000 current and former HHS employees are demanding RFK Jr.’s resignation due to his apparent desire to (and I’m paraphrasing here) kill us all.
In politics: So now we know definitively that the thing we all hoped was maybe happening over the weekend didn’t happen, but it was fun while it lasted, wasn’t it? I, for one, had a good time with the memes and the conspiracy theories and the sweet sampling of what I think was hope? But it was back to dumbassery as usual yesterday when an “announcement” was made re: the Space Command HQ; Trump made a big show of moving it from Colorado to Alabama (specifically to punish Colorado for mail-in voting, his words) and then lied about a video wherein bags were clearly dumped out of a White House window before threatening to invade Chicago with the military, which all sounds like a sentence out of the Mad Libs: We’re In Hell edition but is in fact just a Tuesday now.
SOME STATES ARE FIGHTING BACK AGAINST SAID DUMBASSERY
Illinois Governor JB Pritzker and Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson have loudly and publicly rejected Trump’s plans, including with an executive order to protect Chicagoans and prevent CPD from helping federal authorities with immigration enforcement.
California, Washington, and Oregon are forming a “health alliance” to coordinate their own vaccine recommendations so that information comes from doctors and scientists, rather than (and I’m paraphrasing here) just some guy who looks and sounds deep fried in beef tallow—or seed oil!!! I don’t give a fuck and neither should you.
Sir, when was the last time you had your mitochondria checked?
Quick tips: SNL announced five new cast members and Rian Johnson announced the new Knives Out film featuring the deservedly booked and busy Josh O’Connor. Vogue has found its new leader in self-described “proud nepo baby” Chloe Malle, who is the daughter of Candice Bergen and director Louis Malle. And Amanda Seyfried wore Julia Roberts’ exact ensemble after asking their mutual stylist to “please let me wear the same outfit,” because “re-wearing your friend’s clothes in general is what we do, so why not do this for the red carpet?”
Reminder: Hot Tip turns one year old this Friday!!!!!! So share this email with your childhood BFF or your cool neighbor or your crush or even your uncle with bad opinions because babes, this is a numbers game and you’re helping me win.
In food: A Van Leeuwen Ice Cream is opening up next week in Chicago and they’re celebrating with a Malört-infused flavor—it’s a local liqueur once described by the New York Times as tasting “a little like sucking dandelion juice through a straw made of car tires,” and which Chicagoans on Reddit described as follows:
And per
of , Erewhon is coming to New York—sort of. It’ll be a “tonic bar” version of the LA-based grocery inside a private padel club with a price tag of about $50k (an initiation fee of $36k, $7k in annual dues, and an inability to turn down your brother-in-law’s request to invest in his new business.)FYC: Malk Almond Milk Creamer, which is tremendously upping my iced Americano game. Get a group together to play for tonight’s billion dollar+ Powerball lottery. And see Splitsville, but in a movie theater where you can laugh out loud among pals and strangers. My favorite film of the year so far.
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Another Malort description for you (from my husband): "it's like getting smacked in the face with a rotting pine branch"
The first time my husband tried Malört he stared off into the middle distance for a while and finally said, "It tastes like a wet rug."