Is there a Freaky Friday situation happening?
And other ironclad political theories of the moment
I’ve said it here before but it bears repeating: The absolute best cookies you can make right now to have frozen in your freezer and readily available are these spiced molasses crinkles, which I have been dunking in a cup of chamomile every afternoon as a sweet treat/temporary remedy to the many ills of society. And when have I ever given you bad advice, huh?? That’s what I thought.
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In politics: The House finally voted 427-1 to release the Epstein files—because there is always one fucking guy—and then the Senate followed up with a nearly immediate unanimous pass. But lest you think any of those GOP ghouls who decided to vote yes suddenly grew a spine or a soul, that wasn’t it, and Ted Cruz is still the antichrist. They just knew the bill was going to pass either way (the same reason Trump suddenly endorsed its passage) and decided it would look better to be on the anti-dead pedophile side of things.
The release of the files hasn’t happened yet; Donny T did sign the bill on Wednesday night, but his DOJ may still heavily redact and/or withhold some of it due to “national security” loopholes, and they’ve got thirty days to do it. So we could—and let’s be real, probably will— end up with something like this:
Meanwhile new Trump nemesis Marjorie Taylor Greene (or the alien currently inhabiting her body) apologized for the toxic politics of her past on CNN, calling it a “fair criticism” when Dana Bash asked her about only speaking up once the negativity began to affect her personally. Now Trump is calling her “Marjorie Taylor Brown”—because, as he helpfully explained, “Green grass turns Brown when it begins to ROT!” (And we all know the best jokes have explanations!!!) I love the mess, truly, j’adore, keep it up, but be wary of anyone jumping on team MTG-is-now-a-good-person. Brb, it’s my shift to go control the weather.
And in an Oval Office meeting on Tuesday with Saudi Prince Mohammed bin Salman, Trump responded that “things happen,” when (brave af )ABC Chief White House correspondent Mary Bruce dared to ask MBS directly about the murder of former Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi—the way all reporters should be handling things right now. Uhhh, sorry, but “things happen” is what you say when you spill red wine on your favorite sweater or when Noah Wyle asks me why I am in the bushes outside his house, not after the crown prince of Saudi Arabia orders a journalist and US resident dismembered.
Quick tips:
New research (?) has determined that Hitler probably had a micropenis. Newer research done by me just now indicates we need to spend research money better.
The recently redrawn Texas congressional maps hit a snag this week after a panel of federal judges struck them down 2-1 because they were “racially gerrymandered,” and the gorgeous lil cherry on top?
25-year-old Parkland survivor Cameron Kasky is running for office—in the same district where Jack Schlossberg just announced, NY 12. It’s already a crowded field.
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In food + drink: The chef from the Tesla diner in LA has left after less than six months, to spend less time with robots. Turns out Joan Didion loved—and was very good at—Thanksgiving. And Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker brought Da Pope beer from Burning Bush Brewery in Chicago for da namesake himself Leo XIV during his recent Vatican visit.
In culture: A Gustav Klimt painting sold for $236.4 million at a Sotheby’s auction, the most expensive piece of modern art in history. The National Book Award winners were just announced. And Keith Urban sang Chappell Roan’s “Pink Pony Club” at a Mar-a-Lago party this week, to which we here at Hot Tip have just one thing to say:
Hot tip: You don’t need an expensive manicure before Thanksgiving. I get a million compliments on my press-on nails because they look like a perfect gel mani. No glue, clip ‘em, have a day. They last at least a week. Go with god.
Previously on Hot Tip:
