Make war, then demand love

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Jun 25, 2025

It’s 1000 degrees, so I made the perfect summer salad. And you might be thinking, Alex, how important is salad right now? To which I say, make it, and then you’ll know the answer is “very.” Watermelon, sheep’s milk feta, jalapeños, edamame, avocado, basil from my garden, and stale bread turned into homemade croutons. The dressing was Graza olive oil, maple syrup, lemon, rice wine vinegar, and salt. I didn’t measure anything, so let’s just call it all “to taste,” which is how I think things should be, anyway. The other nice thing about this salad is you can do whatever you want with it. Grilled chicken? Gorg. Chickpeas? Hell yeah. Mint? Cute. The world is your oyster, until we all get nuked. So yeah, make the summer salad now.

Thanking god for bombs: After dropping fourteen 30,000 pound bombs on Iranian nuclear sites (Constitutional? Unclear.), Donald Trump addressed the nation and said he wanted to “thank everybody,” and “in particular, God. I want to just say, we love you, God.” God could not be reached for comment, because we are in hell. Trump dubbed it operation “Midnight Hammer,” I guess because operation “Big Boom Gives Man Big Boner” was too on the nose.

In the same presser—mere hours after the attack—Trump said the nuclear sites had been “obliterated,” which is 1) not a term used in military/intel, though it is used by Pete Hegseth to describe himself on St. Patrick’s Day and 2) experts quickly pointed out it was obviously impossible to ascertain damage so quickly. Post-attack, Trump also immediately truthed “NOW IS THE TIME FOR PEACE!” which does feel a bit—

New American intel now says the damage was—can you believe it—not as bad as Trump said. According to leaks, the bombs only set the Iranian nuclear program back a few months. Congress was set to be briefed today, but those briefings have been postponed—perhaps because our government is not not run by Tobias Fünkes.

Not to mention! The Iranians (almost definitely) moved their enriched uranium before the strikes because they correctly anticipated the addled billionaire was chomping at the bit to drop his big boy bombs. And of course: Blowing up nuclear facilities does not eliminate the knowledge of how to build them. Just because JD Vance has a beard now doesn’t mean I forgot what he looks like without one. That shit is burned into my occipital lobe forever.

Cory Archibald on X: "Okay I was NOT prepared to see J.D. Vance's beardless face." / X — And now yours, too.

And another quick thing! Don’t forget that the Obama Administration negotiated a landmark agreement with Iran in 2015 that limited their nuclear program and ensured strict monitoring from the Intl. Atomic Energy Agency. Then Trump withdrew the US from that deal in 2018 and now in 2025 he wants a—checks notes—deal with Iran to limit their nuclear enrichment. *Throws phone and self into ocean.*

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In politics: In a welcome piece of actually good news (yes, I’m serious) sex pest and disgraced former governor Andrew Cuomo conceded the Democratic primary for NYC mayor to 33-year-old immigrant + democratic socialist Zohran Mamdani. It’s a stunning rebuke of ~go with the flow~ Democrats who opt for business as usual while the world is on fire and rent is a million dollars. My next target: Hakeem Jeffries.

Also a direct plea to Brad Lander, whose cross-endorsement helped Mamdani get across the finish line and who was arrested protecting an immigrant from ICE last week: Please run for Congress, good sir.

In health: A new stem cell-based treatment completely cured 10 out of 12 patients in a trial with severe type 1 diabetes, with the other two patients requiring much lower doses of insulin. And reanimated corpse/HHS secretary RFK Jr. has a new opponent in GOP Senator/Health Committee Chairman Bill Cassidy, who urged the CDC to cancel the scheduled meeting of his new panel of “vaccine advisors” because they don’t know shit. Yes, I’m paraphrasing. Hot tip: Cassidy voted to confirm Kennedy despite having major reservations about it, so let’s not give him too much credit.

Mixing up media: Gen Z-ers (and perhaps also this millennial whose weekly screen time notification is a jump scare) want BlackBerry phones to come back. There are a million ways to try to reclaim your brain + attention span from technology rot, from “difficult book clubs” to “rawdogging” your walks (leaving your phone at home.) And head to your local magazine stand ASAP: Cole Escola looks gorgeous on the cover of the Hamptons issue of New York Magazine while Pedro Pascal has shoes on in bed for Vanity Fair.