Screaming from the White House rooftop
And being a tourist in your own city
I love being a tourist in my own city. My parents have been with me in LA all week, and there’s no better cure for the late summer doldrums than a highlight reel of your hometown’s best; here, that’s Courage Bagels, live comedy at Dynasty Typewriter, the philharmonic at the Hollywood Bowl, the Getty Museum, and a day trip to Santa Barbara. We can’t all make summer in Europe work right now, but we can all go for an art museum followed by a cocktail (or mocktail) on a pretty patio. So do your version wherever you live. Make late summer your bitch.
This week: The Supreme Court is going after voting rights, Trump and Putin plan to meet in person in a summit Hot Tip is calling “Yalta for Assholes,” and all men everywhere are in time out until they stop throwing sex toys on the court at WNBA games.
In politics: We’ve all been there—we’re working from home and need to stretch our legs, so we head up to the roof with our secret service detail to give an impromptu scream press conference, fielding questions like “what are you doing up there?” and, if I had been there, “do you think you could land this jump, sir?” It’s true, Donald Trump went for a walk on the roof of the White House to yell about spending money on new ballrooms and other White House “improvements.”
1) It’s a distraction and we mustn’t forget he is a sexual predator hiding his involvement with Jeffrey Epstein and actively wrecking America, but also 2) it is funny to see his brain melt in real time, and you should watch the clip.
Texas Dems remain on field trips in undisclosed locations (but mostly, Illinois) to prevent their state’s GOP from reaching a quorum—aka the minimum number of legislators required to vote. Now, the FBI says it is going to get involved in locating these state reps, but if they’re as slow to do that as they are to release the Epstein files, I think we’ve got time. Hot tip: Texas Dems face a $500/day fine for each day they’re away on a $600 per month salary, and many are also temporarily ditching their day jobs to try and save democracy for all of us.
Health Secretary/angel of death RFK Jr. canceled half a billion dollars in grants and contracts for developing mRNA vaccines this week—yes, the very same kinds of shots that allowed us to leave our homes after a year+ of Covid. I haven’t been in school in a minute so someone remind me—which part of the scientific method was “give control of the nations vaccines to a scrotum-faced ghoul?”
And hot tip, I’ve got a new meditation soundtrack for ya: it’s Nebraska GOP Congressman Mike Flood getting booed and screamed at by his constituents during a town hall—for a full hour and a half. (Link here, I recommend playing it on a loop for restful, calming sleep.)
In business: The $8 billion Paramount-Skydance deal closed today, so stay tuned for exciting new programming such as CBS Evening News As Long As That’s Okay with Donald Trump, Elderly Sheldon, and The Elderly Sheldon VR Experience. Martha Stewart is launching a skincare line next month with her longtime dermatologist. Apple is going to invest $100 billion in US manufacturing and celebrated by presenting Trump with a glass plaque and a 24 karat gold base at the White House, but they didn’t go with my suggested inscription: “We prefer this to the taste of your ass.” And Roku has a new streaming service called Howdy—and it only costs $2.99 a month, which easily beats the cost of a latte in LA and/or Roku City.
In travel: We’re officially six months out from the Milan Cortina Winter Olympics, so you’ve got 180 days to learn the differences among luge, skeleton, and bobsled. The State Department is launching a pilot program that will require travelers from certain countries to post a $15k bond just to enter the US on a business or travel visa. Hot, unsurprising tip: the list of countries is racist. And Gap just launched a new travel collection with BÉIS, so between that, digital cameras, and the Backstreet Boys Vegas residency, millennial childhoods are officially chic.
To-do list: Watch the Las Culturistas Culture Awards on Peacock. See The Naked Gun in theaters. And listen to Hoax! A new iHeart podcast from Hot Tip pals
and Dana Schwartz, with episodes out every other week. Together, they’re here to teach us all about historic and contemporary grifts, tricks, and societal dupes, aka the real fake news. Gimme 100 episodes, gals.GIVEAWAY ALERT: Get three people to sign up for Hot Tip, and you too could look this gorg.
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