The day AI—partially—died
Why Goofy won't be caught twerking in the near future.
In the past week, we’ve gotten news of a massive book deal being canceled over potential AI use, a Kentucky farmer turning down $26 million for a data center on part of her family’s land, and Sam Altman getting called a Nazi to his face by Jeremy O. Harris—and that’s all before Altman’s ill-conceived and ultra expensive video generation platform Sora announced it would be shutting down. The lesson? We do in fact have the power to say no to the very fragile AI bubble and yes to human creations; namely, everything Zendaya is wearing on The Drama press tour, British jacket potatoes, + new music from MUNA and Harry Styles.
In business:
Devastating news for all the flying dolphins and the aunts they confused—OpenAI’s foray into content theft/video generation with Sora is ending, as is their three-month-old partnership with Disney, which would have allowed users to create content with characters like Mickey or Moana but now will force those people to either a) learn how to do it themselves or b) go outside and stop wasting earth’s precious resources to yassify Yoda. The company is completely shutting down its video production platform in order to “simplify our efforts,” according to an internal company note. Yes, it’s best to devastate earth and humanity in one vertical.
And outgoing Disney CEO Bob Iger won’t even be able to vent about it on his newly discovered finsta, where he had reportedly been going by Max Stryker—according to a brand new, great newsletter called L.A. Material. Now we’ll never know how he feels about Dwayne Johnson’s look as live action Maui—so here’s my two cents instead:
Quick tips: Mark Zuckerberg lost a landmark social media addiction trial, a win for anyone who hates nerds that use their powers for evil instead of good (it’s us!!!!) Some people are profiting off the Iran war—including with Polymarket bets that clearly reveal insider trading. And women’s sports are definitively good business: WNBA paychecks are going up nearly 400% after the players unanimously ratified a new collective bargaining agreement—with salaries are now capped at 7 million dollars (up from $1.5 million last year.)
In politics:
Trump reportedly gets a two-minute powerpoint on the Iran war every day, which one official has described as mostly just clips of “stuff blowing up.” Now apparently Trump allies are concerned he may not be fully absorbing the complexities of the war he started. Oh, are you worried now that giving the failed steak salesman whose makeup is ten shades off the nuclear codes might have been an oopsie? Kind of like making an ex-Road Rules contestant the Secretary of Transportation or a guy who reportedly chopped off a raccoon’s penis the Health Secretary? That ship has sailed, you dumbfucks, though obviously not through the Strait of Hormuz.
But there is good news. No, really, I mean it!!!!! On Tuesday, Democrat Emily Gregory flipped a state house seat in Florida—in Mar-a-Lago’s district, where Trump won by 11 points in 2024. And hot tip: After repeatedly calling mail-in voting “cheating,” Donald, Melania, and Barron Trump all voted by mail in Florida’s aforementioned special elections this week, which prompted Mike Johnson to short circuit and then say that certain states handle mail-in voting just fine. Real quick: Which side of the Civil War were those states on, Mikey?
Quick tip: Republicans keep trying to blame Democrats for the partial DHS shutdown that is currently wreaking havoc at US airports, saying they’re the ones blocking bills in the Senate. That is a lie. But at least Congress isn’t getting special treatment from Delta anymore, until they get their shit together.
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Newly announced: A 13 Going on 30 reboot starring Emily Bader and Logan Lerman + produced by Jennifer Garner, a Harry Potter series teaser, and a new Lord of the Rings movie written by Stephen Colbert and his son.
