The Trump who stole Christmas
But hey, you can join the 'Executive Branch' club for half a mil
Welcome back to Hot Tip, dear pals. Did ya miss me? My delay in writing is threefold: I was visiting home, I was sick, and the east coast pollen has left me in such a hazy daze that I thought I imagined Hakeem Jeffries’ weird and cringey album cover “protest.” But alas, it was real, as is my enduring sinus infection. The trip was lovely, though. I got to spend time with my parents + extended family, have dinner with a literal lifelong friend (see below), get takeout from my fav Indian restauraunt, Botiwalla, and I even used points to upgrade to business class on the return flight—a first for me!!! Accounting for the weeklong cold and a couple emotional breakdowns moments of growth, I’d give the trip a solid 4.2 stars.
This week: Trump doesn’t understand photoshop, Big Gretch makes a questionable political choice, and in the strongest recession indicator yet, Gwyneth Paltrow says she’s eating bread and cheese again.
In politics: On Tuesday, America went to the doctor’s office for her 100-day checkup and left with a shoddy boob job and tuberculosis. After just 3+ months in office, Trump’s approval rating has dipped below 40%, the lowest for any president (or in this case, “president”) in modern history. And his child approval rating is likely to hit record lows, too, given his actual response to likely toy store shortages post-tariffs: “maybe the children will have two dolls instead of thirty.” Of course, he’s not referring to his children, who are busy co-founding a members-only club that will sell access to the White House (illegal!) with a $500k fee to join (+ additional annual dues!!!) in Georgetown. Maybe the children should’ve just had a coke problem and a rich daddy who ignored them!!!
Democratic Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer chose the path of least resistance when it comes to Trump and getting what her state needs, which in this case was funding for an expansion of Selfridge Air National Guard Base outside Detroit. Her explanation: “I’ve got to put the people in Michigan first over my self-interests, over maybe what people assume are going to be my political interests.” Gretch, gal, this was you at the White House last month—
Not to mention, Trump basically shrugged when a group of likely inbred dudes tried to kidnap you and start a Civil War in 2020. And then you hugged him when he arrived to your state?? (Eric Trump found devastated in a ball pit he insists is for adults.) For the thousandth time, I must insist that bipartisanship isn’t for fascist coups!! Because “my district needed new roads, so I got the money and then invited Hitler to the opening ceremony” wouldn’t have held up well, either.
Mike Waltz, or the artist formerly known as Trump national security adviser who added Atlantic editor-in-chief Jeffrey Goldberg to the Yemen attack group chat, has been fired from that post and will theoretically be nominated as UN ambassador, barring any Whatsapp mishaps wherein he shares classified info with his dental hygienist.
The Trump Admin. is now deporting children who are US citizens—one of whom is undergoing cancer treatment. Illinois Governor JB Pritzker says it’s time for mass mobilization, during which “Republicans cannot know a moment of peace.” Finally, a good use for my Lindsey Graham voodoo doll. The USDA is repealing a food safety measure intended to limit salmonella in poultry (because, idk, I guess eating safe chicken is actually gay???) And in actually truly good news, Columbia student protester Mohsen Madawi was freed from federal immigration custody on Wednesday.
Hot Tip is entirely reader-supported! So if you’re getting joy and/or info out of this lovely lil newsletter, consider upgrading to a paid subscription today. It will help cover my rent for now, and eventually my legal fees for spending my days declaring that Trump is a fascist who—I’m just assuming here—regularly sharts his pants.
“Since you have been in office, President Trump, your DOJ agencies have seized more than 22 million fentanyl pills — 3,400 kilos of fentanyl...which saved, are you ready for this, media? 258 million lives.” - Attorney General Pam Bondi, who seems to think we all sprinkle a lil fentanyl on our overpriced eggs for brekky as she declares Trump has saved 75% of the entire US population.
In MAHA: Non-doctor RFK Jr. remains a lying, deeply misinformed idiot (re: autism, and also everything else) who should only be at the Dept. of Health and Human Services under the pretense of getting his dead brain worm removed and/or studied. This week, he claimed that HHS under President Biden “became a collaborator in child trafficking for sex and for slavery,” ordered a lab studying deadly infectious diseases like Ebola to stop research, said fluoride makes kids “stupider,” amplified a wild conspiracy theory that the MMR vaccine has “a lot of aborted fetus debris” (this isn’t accurate), and proposed placebo-controlled vaccine trials (health experts say this is unethical, since that means some people would not receive a known effective intervention while being exposed), a plan which may leave all of us—but especially the elderly and immunocompromised—without a Covid booster this fall. This is all very helpful information if you prefer getting your health tips from a dessicated zombie carcass married to Cheryl Hines.
For more: Watch John Oliver’s RFK/HHS episode from last Sunday and read this piece by
about MAHA’s true aims. It’s all harrowing and enlightening and important.In culture: Thunderbolts* is out tomorrow, featuring Florence Pugh jumping off the world’s second tallest building. The Met Gala is on Monday and will celebrate the Costume Institute’s new exhibition, “Superfine: Tailoring Black Style,” with a host committee featuring Ayo Edebiri, Spike Lee, Audra McDonald, Janelle Monáe, Sha'Carri Richardson and co-chair/Vogue cover star Colman Domingo. And Tony nominations were announced today, including Cole Escola in Oh, Mary!, Sarah Snook in The Picture of Dorian Gray, and ten (!!!!) noms for Hot Tip fav Buena Vista Social Club (company managed by my dear pal Carrie Jablansky!!)
It’s time for (say it with me!) Hegseth’s Weekly Fuck Up!™: First things first, I do have to laugh at Pete Hegseth’s continued insistence on calling the Dept. of Defense’s raison d'être “war-fighting,” because it’s the kind of answer a seven-year-old would give if you asked them to describe what DoD does. “We do war fighting and also gun shooting and America protecting!!!!”
Of course, the other issue here is the program that Hegseth is describing is a Trump-initiated program, created under his eye in 2017.
Hot tip: This is a great song with a familiar face (mine) making a brief appearance in the video.
Previously on Hot Tip:
Our world keeps inching closer and closer to the hunger games. As someone who is studying to work in pediatric healthcare everything MAHA spits out I’m like “huh? And you saw that where?” Like we’re gonna keep the kids safe by giving them measles???????
I salute you! Very well done.