They were perfect texts
And why Elmo is not the one wasting your money
Welcome back to Hot Tip, you cutie pies. The world is quite bad, so I’m leaning pretty hard these days into absolutely whatever brings me comfort, sans judgment! Which mostly means a lot of time spent in my robe rewatching Parks and Recreation for the 41st(?) time, baking banana muffins, and doing the New York Times crossword puzzle until I get too frustrated and just reveal the answers. And of course, writing Hot Tip. I hope you’re coping however works best for you, too.
Hot Tip paid subscriptions are currently discounted, and your support (thank you!!!) helps make it possible for me to buy my own night cheese — and maybe even one day make joking about how Elon Musk’s facial hair looks like pubes into a full-time job.
In perfect texts: By now, you’re likely aware of the fallout surrounding The Atlantic EIC’s accidental inclusion in the not-at-all classified Signal group chat (!!!!!) created for dropping bombs in Yemen. If you’re not, here’s a primer from Monday, and also, I’ll have what you’re having.
In the two days/eleven years since, a bunch of intelligence chiefs had to testify before Congress and all said under oath that nothing in the aforementioned Signal chat was classified. (Hot tip: they were lying.)
So Jeffrey Goldberg said, “okay then” and published those motherfuckers in print.
In his messages, non-DEI-hire Pete Hegseth provided a more detailed timeline of events than any bachelorette party I’ve ever attended, saying things like “THIS IS WHEN THE FIRST BOMBS WILL DEFINITELY DROP” with all the subtlety of my forlorn, lyrical Facebook status updates in 2007. Anyway—
“There were at least five elements of top secret information contained in that thread,” Brig. Gen. Steve Anderson said on CNN. Okay, are you calling Tulsi Gabbard a liar?! Because—yeah that sounds right. On top of that, a German newspaper is reporting that Hegseth’s (and other officials’) passwords have also been compromised. My money is on B00B$69!
So they’re all stuck — the intel chiefs either have to explain why the messages were not classified, or go back on their under-oath declarations. Whether accountability actually matters anymore is a different thing, entirely. Given the clusterfuck in which we find ourselves — one where the occupant of the White House hung his mugshot outside the Oval Office — I’m leaning towards no.
The other interesting argument from the members of the group chat (besides “nothing was classified”) has thus far been a version of how dare that guy look at the messages/own a phone, calling out Goldberg for being, in Hegseth’s words, a “deceitful and highly discredited so-called ‘journalist’ who has made a profession of peddling hoaxes.” But to be clear, they’re not calling any of this a hoax. They’ve actually confirmed it all as true, and just said versions of “nbd/chill out/is it your time of the month or something?”
And of course, it was national security adviser Mike Waltz who added Goldberg to the group to begin with— and he is not getting nearly enough credit for his dumbassery. So allow me.
In politics: Trump announced a 25% tariff on imported cars, but much like my evening workout, tbd if he actually goes through with it. A long-discredited vaccine skeptic has been selected to study vaccines at HHS, news that made Pete Hegseth feel super competent at his job!!! A Democrat flipped a state Senate seat in PA in a district Trump won by 15 points last year (has something happened???)
And one of Hot Tip’s top crushes Rep. Greg Casar (D-TX) used his five minutes in a DOGE committee hearing to defend the importance of PBS + NPR while highlighting how much less expensive Sesame Street is than Elon Musk. And at least Elon Musk’s kids get to see Big Bird.
In world news: European leaders are meeting today to devise a plan for protecting Ukraine from further Russian aggression, cementing their status as better than America at 1) pastries and 2) human decency. And you need to see this AP photo gallery showing tens of thousands of people in Turkey protesting their autocratic president. (p.s. when are we taking to the streets?)
Read this: A woman in Georgia was arrested after having a miscarriage and disposing of it in the garbage. This is incredibly concerning, and you should read
’s thoroughly explained piece on the subject.In business: China’s biggest tea shop is opening a US location in LA. Women’s sports bars are opening all over the US; the number is expected to jump from six (wtf!!!) to 23 this year. International travel to the US is expected to nosedive in 2025, visitors more likely to opt for the less problematic country of anywhere else. An antique store owner bought a (likely) Renoir for $12. And Napster — yes, that Napster — sold to a metaverse startup trying to make virtual concerts a thing, huge news for people who want to make public transportation even more uncomfortable than it already is.
New this week: Mid-Century Modern on Hulu. The Studio on AppleTV+. The Residence on Netflix. Sarah Snook playing 26 characters on Broadway in The Picture of Dorian Gray. And Mikey Madison is hosting SNL this weekend.
Hot Tip is on Instagram, because I needed more screen time and less sleep. Follow here.
Watch this: Bella Ramsey making mushrooms much more charming and much less terrifying than on The Last of Us.
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This one was *particularly* excellent 👏🏼 (B00b$ and Dalmatians had me smiling for the first time in what feels like CENTURIES)
This is how I want all my political news from now on. You are hilarious!