Votes for women, shower pressure + tariff turmoil
Also, the Noah Wyle video to watch on repeat until this presidency and/or the world end
Welcome back to Hot Tip, you cutie pie liberal snowflakes! Donald Trump saw that the stock market got pummeled again today and reacted how any sane president would, with an executive order to increase water pressure in your woke-ass shower. I couldn’t help but be reminded of when honest Abe was faced with ending slavery and reuniting the country, but first declared toilets “way too fucking close to the ground.” Party of Lincoln!
Passover starts this weekend, aka when we Jews find out all our gentile friends apparently love matzah? Hot tip: Sorry to my ancestors who walked out of Egypt—thanks for that, by the way—but matzah sucks. It’s dry af, it wreaks havoc on digestive systems, and making pizza with it is only fun because it reminds us of a childhood in which we weren’t paying bills and googling “tariffs” every day. Matzah ball soup is great, though. I’m planning to try this miso matzah ball soup recipe from NYT Cooking/Joan Nathan. However you celebrate, chag sameach!!! + If you have your own favorite recipes, please drop them in the comments.
In breaking news: Just before sending this newsletter, the Supreme Court said the White House had to “facilitate” the return of a Salvadoran man whom they wrongly deported, though no deadline was provided. More to come on this story.
In politics: REI is apologizing for its 2024 endorsement of Interior Secretary Doug Burgum, which was due in part to his “history of support for outdoor recreation.” Of course, had REI consulted a single woman on a dating app—trust us, hiking photos do not a decent man make—perhaps they could have avoided this mess. Burgum is also taking heat for treating park police helicopters like taxis and insisting on being served “freshly baked” chocolate chip cookies by his staff, but hey—at least government waste is being trimmed in the form of vaccine clinics and Meals on Wheels.
And in the news most likely to keep me awake until the next devastating thing happens tomorrow, the so-called SAVE Act passed in the House on Thursday morning. SAVE, which stands for Safeguard American Voter Eligibility, sounds like it’s intended to protect voting rights, but that would be as accurate as Donald Trump’s foundation shade-matching ability.
The SAVE Act basically says you’d need a passport (they cost $165 per person) or birth certificate in order to register to vote, which would be prohibitive for tens of millions of Americans. And incredibly un-hot tip: If you’re one of the roughly 69 million American women who changed your name after you got married, you’d need additional documentation, you know, to prove you were a person pre-marriage. Not to mention: All of the docs would need to be presented in person, ending online and vote-by-mail registration. So if you’re a married woman with a 9-5 job, kids in school, your husband’s last name, no passport, and you don’t know where your birth certificate is? I guess get back in the kitchen and make Doug Burgum some cookies!!!
The bill is not likely to pass in the Senate, where it would need at least seven Democratic votes—though I don’t have faith in Chuck Schumer doing much more than wearing a pink pussy hat and chanting with all the enthusiasm of a man demanding to know why his pastrami sandwich is taking so long. But I do think the bill is worth mentioning because 1) it’s indicative of what the GOP will keep pushing to do federally until they get away with it and 2) four House Democrats voted in favor of it (shame, gross, ew, etc.) Ultimately, the goal is to disenfranchise voters by lying about the existence of mass voter fraud, which accounts for roughly .0003% of votes in America.
In business: If the constant tariff pausing and unpausing is making you feel seasick from your made-in-China desk chair, you’re not alone. Yesterday, the market briefly rallied after Trump said he would be pausing the day-old tariffs for three months, and everyone on his team has been saying a version of “he is a genius and has been planning this all along.”
Then the market crashed and burned again today.
Of course, the real reason that Donald Trump “paused” his big boy tariffs is because they hit the bond market, which is typically seen as more stable than the stock market. Basically, consumers buy US government bonds—which in turn helps our government pay off its own debts—because there has historically been faith that said government will endure no matter the global catastrophe.
Enter this guy.
Lest you think I am some kind of bond expert, I must remind you that the only business class I took in college was marketing. So to better understand what this all means, I’d recommend this short video from CNN and today’s great episode of The Daily podcast.
In television: Hacks, Black Mirror, and The Last of Us are all back this week. And she knows you mean well, but stop talking about Aimee Lou Wood’s teeth. In an interview with GQ, The White Lotus star explained that she’d rather her acting chops be the focus of conversation. And from all of us (me) at Hot Tip, may we (I) just say hear, hear and hell ya.
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In culture: Trader Joe’s mini totes created a large disruption at several stores this week and I am proud to say I avoided the temptation to buy yet another bag. Vogue says white sneakers are out, and who am I to disagree with Anna Wintour? The Atlantic has an infuriating new game I’m playing every day called Bracket City. And Noah Wyle gets his second Hot Tip shout out of the week for playing Operation while being the hottest man. I watched four episodes of The Pitt, and yeah, he wins.
*Clears throat to sing*
"Though we adore men individually
We agree that as a group they're rather stupid."
bracket city is my new obsession thank you