What to do when your cult stops behaving
And some campaign slogans for Andrew Cuomo, too
Honey I’m hooooome!!! From five beautiful days in Mexico City, hence my absence covering there are no Epstein files but even if there were I wouldn’t be in them but as I said they don’t exist so shut up!!!!-gate. I went to CDMX with my dear friend Megan, who—true story—I met on Twitter five years ago. So while social media may in fact bring about the apocalypse, at least I got a great pal and some perfect tacos out of it.
This week: 2,000 National Guard members are leaving Los Angeles after months of bravely defending buildings from very scary graffiti. Inflation is rising, which is bad, but J.D. Vance got booed at Disneyland, which is good. And Barack and Michelle want us to know they’re fine—and thank god, because we’re all just one final straw away from setting fire to a Labubu warehouse.
In definitely nonexistent lists: Congressional Democrats have managed to suck a little less than usual by forcing several votes on the release of the Epstein files—therefore forcing Republicans to block the measures that would reveal whatever information is contained within the files that used to be on Pam Bondi’s desk but now ~do not exist!!!~ And as it turns out, all the MAGAts who have thus far excused (and/or celebrated) Trump’s racism, misogyny, homophobia, xenophobia, adjudicated sex crimes, attempted coup(s), mass deportation of non-criminals, creating concentration camps in the US, and dancing like he just shat himself—
—are in an uproar with what they see as Trump’s “deep state cover-up” of the Epstein client list, burning their red hats and freaking out in dark corners of the internet typically reserved for the organ market and complaining about a mermaid’s race.
It’s gotten so bad that Trump is now blaming Obama (throwback!!!), calling his own people “weaklings” who are buying into “bullshit,” and threatening Charlie Kirk into submission, who days ago demanded the release of the files, then said he’s trusting the government and moving on, adding “the ball’s in their hands.” Whose balls specifically, Charlie? Kirk then reversed course again, saying he only meant he was done talking about Epstein that day. Yes, it’s a distraction from the ongoing chaos everywhere else, but also this incel Civil War is the best movie I’ve seen in years?
Quick tips:
The Trump Admin. is going to incinerate 500 tons of emergency food that could have gone to millions of starving children in Afghanistan and Pakistan, a possible wrench in his otherwise spotless plans to bomb himself to a Nobel Peace Prize.
Mike Waltz had a Senate confirmation hearing for his new role of US Ambassador to the United Nations, and he told me and Pete Hegseth in a private war Signal group chat that it went “great!!!”
The French PM is considering eliminating two national holidays to alleviate some of the nation’s debt, which is not likely to go over well in a country powered by bread, cigarettes, and worker protests.
After losing the Democratic primary in the NYC mayoral race to Zohran Mamdani, disgraced ex-governor Andrew Cuomo announced he will run as an independent. So to be helpful, I came up with some potential campaign slogans for him.
Read this: “I’m a Genocide Scholar. I Know It When I See It” by Dr. Omer Bartov in the New York Times. It’s a devastating, well-reasoned, critical read in this moment.
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In culture: A hot new trend has entered the Italian villa you rented on Airbnb, and it’s—group honeymoons? Some couples apparently want to keep the party going post-wedding, especially if they’ve already been living together a while. As a currently single person, I’m pro-prolonged trips and—I’m assuming—free champagne and dessert. But I want to know what you think.
In film + tv: Interest in dog adoptions is up more than 500% after audiences were acquainted with Superman’s dog Krypto. Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart are not thrilled with their parent company’s $16 million ass-kiss. Mattel is releasing Cher and Dionne Barbies in honor of Clueless’ 30th anniversary, as if we’ve ever needed anything more. And Emmy nominations were announced on Tuesday, and we here at Hot Tip have two words: Robby Hoffman. Wait, three more: Aimee Lou Wood. And just two more: The Pitt. And also just 14 more: Dichen Lachman not being nominated is a grave injustice unmatched in modern Emmys history.
Post-travel skincare: I stayed pretty on top of my usual routine in Mexico but I want to specifically shout out the Peter Thomas Roth Firm X Peeling Gel for getting all the ~airplane gunk~ out of my skin, something I obviously did immediately upon returning home and not the next morning after accidentally falling asleep on the couch.
Watching this week: Too Much (Netflix); Superman (Warner Bros.); World Aquatics Championships (Peacock). I swam and played water polo, let me have this.
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This line really got me. “and thank god, because we’re all just one final straw away from setting fire to a Labubu warehouse.” Ty from bringing levity to dark times!!!
can’t even pick a favorite line from this one but I did guffaw/roll my eyes again about the war group chat on signal