Mitch McConnell texted me a photo and he's fine actually
+ a reminder to wash your fruits and veggies
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France and Spain are facing off in the World Cup as I write, which I am interpreting as a battle between croissants and churros. If you know me, you know which one I’m picking, even though it is 0-2 in churros’ favor with minutes left.
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I want to start with two extremely serious and important pieces of news: In the past week, ICE has extrajudicially murdered two fathers, one in Texas and one in Maine. Their names were Lorenzo Salgado Araujo and Sebastian Guerrero. Both were in their cars. In the latter case, his three-year-old child was in the car. In neither case were the “officers” wearing body cameras, despite Congress allocating $20 million specifically for this.
ICE is now suspending vehicle stops around the US, which is a) not enough and b) a racist practice that should be illegal to begin with. It is far past time for Congressional Democrats to get their shit together and stop issuing vague platitudes like “We need more guardrails,” which is no different than “thoughts and prayers.” Looking at you, Mark Warner. Do your fucking jobs and stop tweeting.
In politics: Mitch McConnell purportedly put out a photo this week of him joyfully recovering from “pneumonia” with that day’s newspaper and his devoted wife who totally didn’t abandon him on a trip to China for “philanthropic” purposes while he rotted—or got botox?—in a hospital for a month, and I know people are skeptical of the picture, but what if I told you I had even more evidence he was totally fine?
And New York Governor Kathy Hochul signed an executive order banning AI data centers in the entire state, the first moratorium of its kind in the country. Their mayor Muslim, their bagels Jewish, their air conditioning not failing during a heat wave—
In business: Attorneys general—yes, that’s the plural—from twelve states have filed a joint lawsuit in an attempt to block the Warner Bros/Paramount merger, and according to a scoop from Semafor, CEO David Ellison/real-life “I’m the eldest boy” Kendall Roy (derogatory) is even contemplating a corporate exit from California à la Elon Musk/Tesla (very derogatory).
United is taking a cue from European airlines and offering customers a row with an empty middle seat, aka an end to the armrest wars. And Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey is finally out this weekend, which had a budget of $250 million and—based on what I can tell from the trailer—roughly as many uses of the words “dad” and “daddy,” for some reason.
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In fruits + veggies: If you’ve ever wondered how and why you have access to fresh berries year-round, the New York Times has that answer: Driscoll’s. But that comes at a price—and I’m not just talking about the current potential for cyclosporiasis (but I am talking about its carbon footprint and questionable labor practices. Keep shopping at your local farmers market, folks!!!)
Re: the unfortunate stomach bug making its way around the US right now, a reminder to make sure you fully clean any raw fruits and vegetables you’re eating, as well as a reminder that we got here because Elon Musk (truly as derogatory as possible, fuck that guy forever) and DOGE made budget and staff cuts at the CDC, forcing them to reduce surveillance for this parasite.
Have a Sam Neill weekend in his honor: It could be Jurassic Park, or it could be the lesser-known kiwi classic, Hunt for the Wilderpeople.
So far summer favorites: The Jimmy Fairly sunnies I got in Paris. A mint plant at home, for loose leaf mint tea at night. Drinks with electrolytes, because it’s hot as shit and you need more sodium, babe!!! Saie tinted moisturizer with SPF. John Mulaney, who just played + sold out Wrigley Field. The tiny red ceramic Octopus I got in Sicily.
Re Sam Neill. He’s also excellent in The Piano as a horrible terrible no good very bad husband.
Er, where do I get TRIPLE chocolate croissants? Please take all my money and send me all the pastries 🤤